Lessons Actually: Gleaning Some Wisdom from 2016
How many of you would count your favorite holiday movie as “Love Actually”? It’s a perfect cocktail of melancholy, humor, and love for downtime during Christmas. Which is why I chose it as inspiration for my swan song to a year that brought me to my knees…no joke!
Slideshow version below – click through each image to view!
You could say I’ve been conducting an ongoing social poll over the last couple of months. I needed to know if this was a year that impacted me and my family alone or was it a more universal theme. My undocumented results weigh in favor that 2016 is a year that many want to put behind them. I tested this on those younger and older, just to make sure this conflict wasn’t attached to my new decade! We all have our own reasons or occurrences that brought us to this conclusion regarding the year, and there are many who experienced great accomplishments and joy, but I wanted to explore some of the positive things that can occur even during the most difficult periods. It’s how you recover. There are usually lessons threaded during episodes of discord and I believe it’s important to uncover what we are supposed to learn.
One underlying theme for me in 2016 was always feeling that I was reacting instead of taking charge. This is not an unusual concept for me since my relationship with time is not conventional. I consider time an ever fluid entity instead of a precise measure…more tidal in lieu of a watch. As much as I want and need to work on this, it’s also tied to some other great qualities I have. Making TIME more structured will directly influence my ability to be creative — and this is terrifying to someone who relies on their ideas to make a living. The muse herself is not always punctual; she doesn’t always produce on call.
How do we make improvements in areas where we are weak without compromising our strengths? Deadlines are tough for me because I have an innate desire to dwell in the moment. If I’m exploring a design problem, I want to try a variety of ways before I am satisfied with any one solution. But in a world where productivity is paramount, this is not a good business model. Value is tied to productivity, but somewhere I feel we risk losing our human connections. I value the way I connect with people — which takes time — and hate the idea of losing that quality for the sake of the ever present “bottom line.” How do we accomplish all we need to accomplish in what little time we have?
One answer is outsourcing. Have you considered how much is outsourced in our lives? Uber drives us so we don’t have to spend TIME parking. Blue Apron sends us our meals so we don’t have to spend TIME going to the grocery store and buy more than we need for one meal. Have you heard of InstaCart? I have Ashley Chamberlain to thank for sharing this little nugget of timesaving outsourcing! Part of what is taking my ship down in 2016 is that I have not been utilizing these new “conveniences” to my advantage. In my family, we still do our own yard work (not well…), we go to the grocery for our meals and then come home and cook (and I am talking chopping fresh ingredients type of cooking), we do not have any additional house cleaning assistance or laundry service.
Meanwhile, I am left wondering why I am failing on the home front while trying to take one child into D.C. every morning (I’ve been looking for a carpool), fit in an occasional Pilates class, and keep up with an ever-changing travel soccer schedule for two kids. Not to mention maintaining my role with marketing for TSALT and maintaining my own styling business. Ironically, social media has been giving my friends and neighbors the impression that my year is thriving in great joy and success. The wheels have come so far off my bus that I can’t even find where they’ve rolled to put them back on! Feeling like a failure is not good for the soul, and trying to multitask because you CAN doesn’t always mean you SHOULD.
Owning a business is an incredible scary venture. I am in great awe of all of the women of the Stylebook community and have garnered relationships with them based on building them up by including them into my own business. But even greater, these are the women who give me the courage to continue on my own growth path. The symbiotic relationships we establish are integral to our health. It’s very humbling to understand how much we need each other and how willing we are to share our successes and failures when we take time to ask. The images you see on Alexandria Stylebook may seem perfectly manicured but there are a lot of honest struggles behind every one of these women at various times. They are warriors in their own right and I use their energy to pull me up off my knees when I feel broken.
Friends, clients, and colleagues tell me often how on point my style is. Well, it’s what I do. My muscle memory is geared toward putting clothing together in unique, fresh ways. It’s all I’ve done for the last 10+ years and in many ways, it’s all I’ve ever done. Making decisions surrounding clothing is like breathing for me. It comes naturally. The other gift I have is connecting with people. I hear that some women feel intimidated to hire a stylist because they feel they are not ready. It’s like a need to clean the house before the house cleaner comes: I think we all have a fear of judgement.
My job is more than styling and shopping though. Sometimes it is building self-esteem, sometimes it is making decisions that are too difficult to make alone, but it’s mostly about efficiency and discovery. This is what I do well for others and makes me feel productive. Taking care of my financial picture is not easy for me, thus I need to seek help from others who love balancing numbers. Putting a plan into place and implementing a little STRUCTURE would definitely serve me well in 2017. Every task I have needs to be assessed as to whether this is a good use of my time or if there is an enjoyment factor to it. For instance, I love cooking. However, in order to enjoy the creative aspect of cooking, I need to plan when I can set aside the time…and that includes learning to cut corners with some pre-arranged meals.
I may be a little late to the game here but allowing others to do what they do best allows you more time to do what you do best. 2017 is going to be a year of growth for me in multiple ways. I plan on making improvements within myself without losing the gifts and undeniable imperfections that make me who I am.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget the perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
Thank you, Leonard Cohen. ♥️
I would love to keep this conversation going in ways that will help others in the Stylebook community. I’m inviting you to follow me as I dedicate more to my writing in 2017. Another thread of wisdom I have stumbled upon is that pulling off of a task chews up precious time. As much as I enjoy checking in with my client base two or three times a year, I lose momentum with them and feel I can be more effective doing less, more frequently. I’m adding a new level of service to my business model that will keep me in touch with clients on a more regular basis. My business goals are for growth in 2017 and if what I do best can help you do what you do best, I encourage you to get in contact with me or put someone you know in contact with me. I could use your support to push me into these areas of growth and this worm will turn!
Together we can make 2017 an incredibly productive, stylish, and enjoyable year!
3 Comments
Love this post! I don’t know how you do it all – and with so much style and grace. You are amazing … and truly inspiring. You’ve enriched my life, that’s for sure! Thanks for all you do to make women like me feel beautiful!
What Karolyn said!
Alicia – this is wonderful – you are amazing and I am glad to call you a friend. I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas and a great 2017!