Exercise & 50s: A MtM Journey That Changed Her Life
I have to credit this idea to Elizabeth Todd. Ellen has that impact on people. Just last week, Ellen and Elizabeth (I call her “Fancy Pants”) were in the same class together. Ellen’s daughter, Rachel, was home from college, and they were on the other side of the studio from Fancy Pants. When Fancy realizes Ellen is Rachel’s mother and not her sister, she yells over to me, “Hey, how old is Ellen?” She really looks like she’s in her 20’s.
But, Ellen is 55. Maybe 30 years ago, I would have thought that was old. But the 50’s have a new brand. The 50’s are strong, confident, beautiful, and exciting, and if the 50’s had a brand ambassador, it would be Ellen. To find out why Ellen is 50’s goals, please read her story. Even though she’s been exercising her whole life… Ellen recently made this big discovery.
I first met Megan at a Lululemon event in the “before times” in September 2019. She casually walked up, and I knew I would instantly like her. But little did I know how much she would change my life. Megan had just come off a 3-week Bermuda vacation tanned and relaxed, even though she somehow lost her phone in the gutter on the way to the event. After chatting, she invited me to her waitlist only, jammed packed Saturday morning PBC. For those who have taken that class back when we were allowed to be shoulder to shoulder in the studio, this would be Megan’s post-vacation hell class. I walked in barefoot and clueless. You’d think I would have never returned. But no, that was the beginning of a new love affair.
I know what you are thinking, this piece will be about Megan. But no, it’s about me, my journey, my body, and my mind. Megan happens to be the catalyst.
As I look back, exercise was always part of my life. But it’s different now in my 50’s. Before, exercise was just something I did, like the laundry. In high school, I ran track. In college, I jogged, but really my exercise was lifting beer and pizza into my mouth and wondering why my jeans were so tight. After college, I went from gym to gym, not really feeling any connection or joy. Exercise remained a chore, something I checked off my list. My 30’s were a bit of a blur when my two daughters were born three years apart. Life was crazy busy taking care of two babies, two dogs, and a husband in that order! Plus, I had a sales job that involved time and travel. Just writing that makes me feel exhausted (lol!).
I also suffered from two mysterious illnesses that made exercise nearly impossible. At 38, with my second pregnancy, I developed chronic sinus and bronchitis and was constantly on antibiotics. While the medication was necessary and needed, later, it caused years of gut problems. It didn’t matter what I ate, a plain white baked potato or take out Chinese, I was barely able to keep food in my body. After tons of tests, most of them invasive, a simple fasting breath test revealed an overgrowth of bacteria, and I was given a special gut antibiotic of all things. It worked practically overnight.
Gingerly I resumed my exercise chore, checking it off my list and slowly trying to get my body back. In my mid 40’s, I bent over and picked up a cooler filled with our afternoon lunch and felt lightning shoot down my back. It was very strange as the bag wasn’t even that heavy, but that one incident of back pain lasted on and off for four years. Steroids, shots, pills, PT, Chiropractor, acupuncture, X-rays, and MRIs told all kinds of stories. Doctors said there is nothing dramatic or obvious. Maybe it’s a disc or the loss of cushion between the discs. Or maybe it’s arthritis or inflammation or wear and tear on my 45-year-old body. No one knew for certain, and no matter what I did, I was constantly in pain. Exercise became scary and avoided. What if I twist the wrong way? I was constantly afraid of hurting myself.
All that changed with a simple book. As I was slowly stretching on the grass before the start of my youngest daughter’s soccer game, I shared my back pain woes with a friend. He offered me a book – Healthing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection, by John Sarno, MD. Six weeks after reading the book cover to cover, my pain was gone. It’s likely I did pull or twist something, and then my mind decided to hold on to that pain. I don’t know for sure, as I said, it’s a mystery. But what I do know is the only thing I changed was my mindset, looking within, and the pain left. When my back would occasionally flare up with that familiar gripping pain, instead of pausing and asking, “what is wrong with me?” I’d pause and ask, “what is bothering me?”
I then tested my newfound wisdom on the boutique studio craze and settled in at a local Bethesda exercise studio. With caution and care, I watched the teacher and began building up my muscles. I looked forward to the classes, and exercise became less of a chore and more of a lifestyle. I began mastering the moves, stopping less and less. Then, I walked into Megan’s class, barefoot and unaware. The more classes I took, the harder they got. What I didn’t know then, but do know now, is the reason the classes got harder is because I was doing them right. You see, what I was missing before was connection. Connection to my body and my mind. I had it with me the entire time, I just needed Megan as the catalyst to point me in the right direction. The rest is up to me.
Ellen visited me during lockdown. We had a nice “car visit” after my George Michael theme class (hence the jeans… had to wear them for the Faith song!)
A friend asked me, “why do you cross the Potomac for an exercise class?” I answered, “It’s not just an exercise class, it is a connection-making, awareness-building, lifestyle living exercise class.” By the way, that friend’s daughter, along with my oldest, drank the MTM koolaide and are both members too. The more I went, the more I listened, the more I failed, the more I tried again, and the stronger I got. Living in Bethesda, I ended up taking one, maybe two classes a week, if I was lucky. The rest of the time, I held my full abs in (hot zipper, hot snap, crop top style), chest out, feeling my shoulder blades. Well, not all the time, but a lot of the time. As MTM transitioned to virtual, so did I. That was a huge positive side effect of COVID as I could take as many MTM classes as I wanted without leaving my house. I missed the studio mirrors, so my bathroom became my studio with its three mirrors. It seemed as if Megan could actually see me through Facebook, shouting out at the exact right time – Ellen, hold your abs back and keep your knees straight! Could she see me? In her mind’s eye, she could.
But here is what she couldn’t see. As Megan said something during class that clicked, I wrote it down in my bullet journal. I called them Meganisms. Some of my faves are:
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- • If you think you can or you think you can’t, I believe you
- • An excuse is just a decision not to solve a problem
- • It’s your body, you be in charge of YOU
- • You’ve always had the power (nod to the Wizard of Oz Ruby Slippers)
- • Squeeze your butt with your brain
- • These are YOUR legs (or arms, or glutes, or abs)
- • It’s not that we can do hard things. We ARE doing hard things!
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Megan also couldn’t see how I took her Meganisms into my work. The community I serve struggles with one of the most common chronic mental health conditions that no one wants to talk about. Trichotillomania (chronic hair pulling), Dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking), and Onychophagia (compulsive nail biting), collectively known as Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRB). I suffered with Trichotillomania for 40+ years, starting at age 11. That all changed when I discovered an awareness bracelet, Keen2 by HabitAware. You see, when you have a BFRB, your hands have a mind of their own. But they don’t have to. Just like Megan says in class – It’s your body, you be in charge of YOU. Connection and awareness are keys in everything we do. You can’t change what you don’t know. Like I say in my work, our hands, skin, and hair are always with us. But so are our breath and our brains. If I can squeeze my butt with my brain, I can also feel my hands with my brain, and move them away from my hair, and hold onto something else.
And that’s why on a Monday at 9:30am, while alone in my bathroom lifting my glutes with my brain, I’m really not alone, rather, I’m connected to dozens of others through the Facebook live MTM community. I’ll turn 55 this October. In this decade of my life, I’ve found so much purpose. I love and laugh with my family and friends. In my work, I get to help thousands find their awareness. And, every day I carve out time to exercise my body and my mind.
Exercise is no longer a chore but rather a lifestyle. It has purpose. The first is so that I can get up and down off the floor with my future grandchildren. The second is so I can play in Megan’s future band, “Plug,” that she is starting when she turns 90, which means I’ll be 99. Besides tightening my butt with my brain, I’m taking piano lessons to get ready.
Ellen Crupi
Ellen Crupi is the Director of Awareness at HabitAware and in trichotillomania recovery. Ellen is dedicated to reducing the stigma around mental health and body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs), Trichotillomania (hair pulling), dermatillomania (skin-picking), and Onychophagia (nail-biting). Ellen educates, presents, and coaches those living with these disorders, professionals treating these disorders, hairstylists, and schools. Ellen is passionate about healthy living, exercise, and really good coffee. Ellen is a badass with a good (ass) glutes.
- About the studio
Mind the Mat Pilates & Yoga was founded in 2008 by Megan Brown, Doctor of Physical Therapy and Polestar Certified Practitioner of Pilates for Rehabilitation and Sara VanderGoot, Nationally Certified Massage Therapist and Registered Yoga Teacher (e-RYT 200, RYT 500). In their private practices as physical therapist and massage therapist respectively Megan and Sara observed that many of their clients were coming in with similar needs: relief for neck and shoulder tension and low back pain as well as a desire for more flexibility in hips and legs, stability in joints, and core strength.
Together Megan and Sara carefully crafted a curriculum of Pilates and yoga classes to address needs for clients who are pregnant, postpartum, have injuries or limitations, who are new to Pilates and yoga, and for those who are advanced students and are looking for an extra challenge.
2214 Mount Vernon Avenue
Alexandria, VA 22301
703.683.2228
