The Etiquette Advantage of Thanksgiving Dinner: A Modern Interpretation of Emily Post
Accepting an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner, whether for the first time or the fiftieth, is entering into a sacred agreement between host and guest. Preparing the most celebrated meal of the year is no easy feat, and attending as a guest is an important reminder of what the holiday is all about: community, generosity, and gratefulness. Below is a list of guidelines on how to be the kind of guest that will get invited year after year, adapted from Emily Post’s Etiquette.
1. Make yourself useful.
Offer to come early (but not too early) to help set the table. Jump on dish duty after dinner. Make your kids useful. They can create place cards for the big day. Kids make adorable coat checks, but if your host agrees, you are in charge of getting those kiddos trained up and service ready.
2. Always bring a gift.
My favorite gift is something useful the host can enjoy the next day, particularly if she has overnight guests. A bag of nice coffee, Duke’s Mayo paired with a high quality pullman loaf for turkey sandwiches, or a breakfast of Stomping Ground buttermilk biscuits with sorghum butter! If you give a bottle of wine, unless expressly stated by the host, do not put pressure on the her to serve it. Wrap it with a bow and include a note that says “stash me away!” If the host does ask you to bring wine to serve, be sure and ask for any specifics or preferences. If she asks for white, bring a high acid Riesling or Vouvray, chilled. Red? Pinot Noir.
A nice set of cloth napkins or placemats, with a note, “for your next gathering” is also a nice touch. We love local Alexandria designer Sue Henry, and her block printed textiles will be available soon at Stomping Ground.
A guest book is also a nice touch; it can include the menu and attendees for each Thanksgiving — something to look back on. The place cards created by the kids can be placed inside, scrapbook style.
3. Say thank you.
Thank your hosts twice. First, when leaving, and again on a handwritten note sent a few days after the meal.
4. Arrive on time.
If you are feeling French, arrive 15 minutes late, but no later. Unless invited to do so, do not ever arrive early. Give your host enough time to meet her schedule and perhaps a few minutes for last minute decompression.
5. Put away your cell phone.
You can do it, I know you can.
6. Dress up.
Whatever that means for you. You don’t have to look like you are going into the office, but show your gratitude to the host for his or her hard work by looking nice.
7. Offer help when you can.
You can pass hors d’oeuvres, light candles, help serve dessert. If your offer is turned down, don’t insist. Also, unless invited, stay out of the kitchen.
8. Be a willing participant.
Keep any conversation that might be upsetting — politics, religion, your friend’s recent divorce, last year’s undercooked turkey — for cocktail hour. Or better yet, not at all.
9. Ask to bring a dish.
If your host declines, do not bring a dish.
If you are asked to bring a dish, prep everything ahead of time, do not pick up a knife and use precious counter space in her kitchen. Do not, under any circumstances, ask to use the oven. The oven is for the turkey. Your side dish is for the microwave. Also, remember, unless invited, stay out of the kitchen.
A salad is a great option to bring as it is easy to transport, is temperature stable and can be finished in one bowl. Wrap washed-and-dried greens (go for something sharp like arugula, mizuna, or escaroles) in a dish towel, pack remaining components in a ziplock bag (save it for leftovers), and put dressing in a jar. Transport everything in a bowl that the salad can be served in and assemble as guests are headed toward the table.
If you want to bring a more robust side dish, Stomping Ground is offering heat and serve sides to help you out. Choose between green bean casserole, harissa roasted carrots with Greek yogurt, roasted Brussels sprouts with apple cider and bacon, and sweet potato soufflé. Each item can be heated at home before you arrive, covered, and served at room temperature, or pop in the microwave just before the guests sit down. Full details available here, with more details below.
If you are bringing dessert, use a bakery box. They can be ripped open easily and reduce crumbs and clean up.
Craft beer is a fun surprise. Just be sure to bring it in a cooler with ice because there will be no room in the fridge. Pop one open on arrival, pass a few around and get the conversation started. Ask your host if she would like one, but unless invited, stay out of the kitchen.
10. All things in moderation.
Don’t get too drunk. Don’t dominate the conversation. Don’t eat the last of the pie. Unless invited, stay out of the kitchen.
11. Unless invited, stay out of the kitchen.
Really. Take it from a chef. 😉
- About the restaurant
If you wander down Del Ray’s, “The Avenue,” you won’t miss the farm-red building with a rustic fence bordering the patio. Stomping Ground opened two years ago and quickly became popular for its made-from-scratch biscuits and its neighborhood vibe. On weekends, excited guests line up before Stomping Ground opens hoping to be the first to get a just-out-of-the-oven biscuit or a fresh salad. Stomping Ground is mostly known for its fast casual breakfast and lunch but on Thursdays and Fridays they provide a full dinner service after 5:00pm. All meals are built from local, seasonal food that is organic whenever possible.
2309 Mt Vernon Avenue
Alexandria, VA 22301
703.567.6616
